Years ago I recall a Playboy Magazine cartoon by Erich Sokol I think. On it an elderly lady was sitting on a park bench talking to a young girl in a miniskirt (this was in like 1972 or so), and the old women says “Don’t make the mistake I did, Go out there and fuck your brains out.”
Of course in the day, it was a particularly jarring idea that old women had ever thought of recreational sex. That toon stuck in my head, and here 40 years later I still remember it.
Life is a one way street. One may project what ones future will be like or one might reminisce about what ones past was like; however, one my never go back and actually relive the past. I, like so many people, have tried to do the next best thing by recording in words and paper some of the most pleasant events. Why are weddings and birthdays and vacations so well documented in photos and videos? Because we like to relive in our minds those happy moments.
My home computer has a pair of large monitors hooked up to it. I use one for navigation and such and the other for word processing. I’ve been working in the evenings at edits on my great “socio-political novel” and so the second monitor has just been showing photos. Yesterday I changed my Windows wall paper collection to a directory called “beach fun”, it is a collection of about 400 of our family beach photos. Now, our family beach photos are more interesting than most, in about half of them mom appears either topless or nude on the beach. These photos were primarily taken from 1999-2005 when the kids were in elementary school and mom was absolutely stunning looking (not to say she’s not a beautiful 52 year-old). Many of the photos that came up on the right screen I had not seen in years. Several times I just stopped and looked at how beautiful she looked. One in particular, was a waist up photo on a bright sunny pubic beach. She was covered in coconut oil causing her bare breasts so shine. If I didn’t have the photo I’m not sure I would believe boring old me ever could have a wife that looked that amazing.
Perhaps the most striking thing is that in those photos she was in her early to mid- 40’s, not her teens or 20’s. We, like many people, did not break free of the puritanical codes until we were in our late 30’s.
I got married at 24 as a virgin, and she at 25 had only one sexual partner. We were told that sex before marriage was a sin and so we both spent our most sexually potent years fighting our bodies. Sexuality was a curse and cause of pain and frustration in our teens all the way up to our wedding day. Even that didn’t end the frustration, for it was not too long after that the mismatch between her sex needs and mine frustrated both of us for the next ten years until she took her first lover.
So for 20 years we bought into the sex negative approach that sex outside monogamous marriage was inherently wrong. For 20 years our sexually was a source of pain and frustration when it could have been a source of pleasure and fulfillment. We know what works for us. She has a date tonight and a possible hotel rendezvous with another man later this week. She is ever so happy with her new lovers and I am equally happy with her happiness and occasionally joining her and her lovers in bed.
The only sad thing is that we listened to the wrong people and now 16 years into this lifestyle we are in our 50’s (with all the baggage age brings) rather than our 30’s.
We can’t go back and reclaim those years. We can’t , as much as we might like to be that young couple on the nude beach at Hedo who can sun all day and fuck new friends all night, then do it again the next day fresh and ready to go. We just can’t do it now.
I don’t bemoan that fact (very much). Truth is we have had a great life; however, we did not raise our kids to think sexuality is to be put in a box. After all, they are also in those family photos with mom on the beach nude or topless.
All people should be free to enjoy their sexuality from the later teen years forward in all its variations and glory. We can’t be teenagers or twenty-something’s again, but we have for years encouraged those who are to wring out every pleasure their young lives have to offer.
So ….. if you are younger than my wife and I, we endorse the advice in that cartoon, “Don’t make the mistake I did, go out and fuck your brains out.” …… and may we add, take pictures.